some lessons are harder to learn…

8 Jul

hello all — it/s been a long time.

I just finished eating my dinner, a BRC with delicious avocado salsa and a tea trying to find the best words to start this post.

I have not spoken to you for a year and a half. Hard to believe it has been that long of a time. I would like to share my story with you and my desire is that it will empower another. This has been one of my hardest lessons to learn.

{the lesson} Being honest, and truly honest with myself. I am talking the brutally honest, standing up for yourself daily, stop making excuses, being true to your own power and journey. Yeah, that one.

This story starts a little before I went “offline” with my business and my life really. I was in a really great place spiritually, emotionally and felt ready to tackle the world and grow, grow, grow.

I met a man and it really changed my life. This relationship brought out so much pain, healing and growth for me. It lasted a year and a half and now amazingly I am back to where I started with much more wisdom, strength, acceptance, and power. This was a very hard lesson for me to learn and I found out that I am stronger than I thought, I will always choose me in the end, and love really is an emotion that comes and goes.

During the entire relationship we went to therapy, what is called Mindfulness and Commitment Therapy. It is a wonderful type of therapy and it has really transformed my life for the better. This type of therapy teaches you communication skills, taking care of your own issues, and how to sit in being uncomfortable. I learned that feelings come and go and that when you act on them you are not being grounded and will never produce lasting and healthy results.

So with this person the relationship was a whirlwind from the start. The passion was intense and blinded me to my intuition. This man fed directly into my need to be approved, loved and we met because the energy was of pure need for someone. Yes, I was impatient and really wanted to share my life with someone because I was too uncomfortable to be alone with myself and be patient for the “right” person to come to me. Needy attracted Needy. I want whole attracting whole.

During this turbulent relationship I became used to the drama and me hustling for his love and acceptance. Now I look back and think to myself what was I thinking? I do not even recognize that person today.

People talk all the time about soul-mates and how they are supposed to be the “love of your life” person. I believe there are many soul-mates and I found mine in him. A soul-mate can be a person that helps you grow or learn a certain life lesson. I say that because it took this person to bring up my co-dependency and create a growth opportunity for me. I had to learn to love myself the hard way. I have had two marriages, and another relationship prior and never had these lessons/fights/anger/etc come up with anyone else. He was the lucky one to bring it all up to the surface!

We parted, I have many wounds to tend to and a new love for myself that I never had known. FINALLY after 41 years on this planet to know that I am ok just the way I am, right now, today and that I don/t have to contort or over-do, over promise or be someone that I am not for someone to love me.

I know I will have many more lessons in my lifetime and I look forward to them because I am strong. My calling in life it to be a truth teller — my truth.

What is your truth?

Peace be with you my friends and I am glad to be back sharing my life and my journey with you all.

jess

 

 

tantrums — openness and letting the crap come out

7 Nov

openness. it is hard to do for some people. i know this because up until 4 years ago i was one of them. do you stop and think about why it is hard to just wear our hearts on our sleeves, tell the truth always, think of other people’s feelings and grow? looking back at my past 36 years and how i learned to close off instead of grow outward is a little scary to me.

i think we have all heard someone say ” i have always been this way and i am too old to change.” this statement now makes me feel sad and heavy for people like this. i have been in the trenches and holes where you feel there is no way out, looking for the blue sky and any hope of happiness. It can just feel unreachable at times. my transformation started small and developed over years. whatever area in your life you are feeling like you just don’t want to deal with it or that the feelings will just go away in time — i encourage you to stop and just sit with the feelings for a moment. whatever the feelings, grieve, get pissed or just reflect.

my young daughter had a rough night this evening. we had a full day of events and she was just plain exhausted, add an emotional trigger from her big sister and an argument sent her into a tizzy. she was filled with so much anger. she was screaming, crying and frustrated. i tried to calm her down and talk to her and she would have nothing to do with it. my actions made it worse. i sat there and realized that she just needed to vent and throw a tantrum. i told her to scream out into her pillow, hit it if she must and just kick and scream it out. let those emotions, every bit of them come out and empty your poor little heart. she did and it helped.

as adults we tend to hold things in and not deal with them or feel like throwing a tantrum and just simply can’t. come on, we are older, i am in my 40’s and could you imagine me on the floor kicking and screaming? maybe that is what we should do. let it out. scream at the top of our lungs, get pissed, take out our anger on a pillow and just feel, let the emotions come out.

our evening was filled with lessons. the lesson of being open, honest with our heart feelings and keeping an open mind to find a way to deal with our shit in a way that will be healthy and work for us.

next time i feel like i am overloaded and want to throw a fit i am going to. the thought of it cracks me up and might actually lighten the stress cause frankly the thought just makes me laugh and maybe that is all that is needed. if i need more of a vent, than i will kick and scream. i encourage you to express yourself in times of frustration. take a run, meditate, throw a fit or anything that will work. it is important to acknowledge those feelings and let them out.

i want to teach my children that their feelings are valid and that they are there for a reason. help them learn to understand their emotions, know how to properly deal with them and how to move past them.

we are learning day by day over here to let the crap flow and really live through it.

knowing when to make shifts

6 Nov

mini shifting — the process of making little changes  in your daily life so you can change the course in your journey.

do you ever sit and really analyze your life? do you dissect it down and wonder why you reached where you are now, how you got on this new path and what it all means? i do this frequently. i am a virgo and a seeker. i have a tendency to analyze the crap out of things. usually to the death of a subject. i enjoy the nuts and bolts of how and why things work, and how to fine tune and get the  most out of every drop of life.

changes in your environment happen every day. changes with the kids,  material possessions, friends, and loved ones. change is needed to bring in a mix to stale energy and to get it flowing again. change really is good if you can be open to it and it’s lessons. my life has changed so much in the past few years that i allow myself now to just sit in it and embrace it with curiosity. what will this bring i ask myself and wait with wonder. sometimes it is painful and having to deal with an ex regarding financial issues, kids and some are joyous like a new relationship and realizing he is your soul mate. these changes are what define us in life. our reactions, our passions, or ability to shift through them.

it makes me think about driving up the california coast in a little sports car. as you turn corners and go around mysteriously beautiful bends you need to shift. change a gear so you can pick up speed or slow down and be a little more cautious.  without shifting you could potentially miss out of some amazing beauty or you could put yourself in a questionable situation.

mini shifting is just simply adjusting your situation and taking action at that time. this concept can be used in any situation in your life.

if you are thinking about becoming organized in your home or office — mini shift your time and spend 20 minutes just picking up the loose items around one room. do the dishes and clean up the counters before bed. clean up your workspace on your desk so you come in the next morning feeling relaxed and on top of things.

this mini shifting concept can be used to organize your thoughts and for making life plans. take a moment and shift with a 10 minute stretch or meditation. imagine yourself letting go of a situation that no longer serves you and you replace it with a thought that makes you happy. all of this shifting daily will change your energy pattern and bring new opportunities, power and energy into your life.

try it — you will see. starting small and making daily positive shifts will produce big results later.

becoming aware of how you learn

25 Oct

life is full of wonder and opportunities to better ourselves. there are a few ways of thinking when it comes to walking through this life. people are emotional beings and we react, engage, learn and grow differently.

the first being the survivalist.  these people believe that  life just happens to them.  they feel that they are at the mercy of daily struggles. they try to be positive and get through life by surviving, and they eventually become burned out and exhausted with life…passionless.

the next group of people are the best foot forward type. they are the people who are mostly positive and frequently make mini shifts towards happiness and self growth. these people are comfortable in their lives and pretty much can go on autopilot and have a fairly normal and fulfilling life. they experience seasons of change, hardships and they quickly bounce back and return to their routines.

the final group are the freedom seekers. these people believe that they mold and nurture their life. their outlook is one of making changes, being fulfilled, living in the now and turning life into an amazing journey that they can grow and learn from. life then serves them. they are always seeking to change, learn and grown. they have an appetite for life, abundance in every form and know themselves and their personal needs well. these people flow through life adjusting, thriving and are completely fulfilled in every aspect of their life.

which category do you fall in?

for the last 2o years i was of the survivalist type that was just hanging on by my fingernails. i then evolved into the best foot forward lifestyle and finally have become a freedom seeker. i have been through my share of struggles, life traumas and i did not know there was a better way to look at things. i have always been positive and hoped and prayed for the best but really just went a long for the ride.

you see my friends, it is all about perspective and how we learn behaviors. there are several ways that we learn and the amazing thing is that we can change our thinking at any time.

in order for us to move forward with learning we need to stop and take a look at how we process things. there are four learning styles. visual, auditory, kinesthetic and tactile.  there are also people who are multimodal. these people have the ability to process information in different ways — meaning they can adjust their learning styles to different situations.

my personal growth has been achieved by combining my learning style with the appropriate tools. i am a visual/kinesthetic learner. i need to be able to see it and repeat it myself. helpful tools for me are creative exercises, videos, checklists and books. dream boards are a big help for me as i can then see what my future will look like.

how do you learn? take a moment and think about it and then what do you do to give yourself the proper tools?  if you are an auditory learner you could attend lectures or classes, or meet with people and have discussion groups. if you are a kinesthetic/tactile learner you could learn some mental techniques and work with a coach. there are so many different ways to fill our toolboxes so we can go through life claiming our power and enjoying it.

take some time today and do a little focus exploration and see where you can shift your energy. learning new things will open your mind, your life and will leave you to live in the present moment.

making small improvements in your life daily will produce amazing results.

stirring of the senses

22 Oct

this photo brings all kinds of things to my mind; beauty, solitude, strength, growth and communion. i fall in love with the beauty of nature when i look at this. what an amazing universe we live in…the creation of all this beauty with the colors, shapes and textures.

it affirms in me to be open to changes in my life because they will bring character and depth. this beauty is unique, organic and a good example of life. on the surface we might all look the same but when you really investigate closer every crack, color, and bump tell a story.

life is gorgeous and intoxicating. let it in, take a deep breathe and feel it down in your soul. let it stir your emotions and take root. live in the now. be open. evolve and continue into your own masterpiece.

~ photo credits : I do not know who took this photo. I found it on pinterest with the link to this website http://inchmark.squarespace.com. It is not mine.

imagine it and it will come…

18 Oct

This last week has been a time of awareness and looking at what I attract into my life.  Life is energy, always swirling around us and we can harness that power. Over the past two years I have been making a strong effort to narrow down what I want my life to look like and who I would like in it.  It is good to revisit after some time, see where change is visible and where patterns are taking root.

In this  journey of new thinking, it is important that you let things go. I have learned that when I obsess about a thought or a want,  I would never see it manifest in my life. When I can set my target, dream, get excited and then let go and trust that it can come to me in anyway or form–then it will happen. I just recently manifested something huge into my life –something that I have been wanting for a long long time and now it is here.  It came because I truly let go of it and how it was going to come into my life.  Sure enough it was under my nose for a long time and one day it just walked in. It took time to be the right time. Meaning– some lessons I needed to learn before it could come.

This whole process is really extraordinary and blows my mind frequently. I have been practicing my creative envisioning and I will share them with you as they really do work. Do this daily and then let it go. Think about this thing you want in your life three times a day and see it in your mind like a movie. Stop trying to figure out how it will come and why it is not here yet.  Just don’t put your hooks in too deep and be open to change and the beauty of the process.

Here is what you do —

1. Sit somewhere quite and take a few cleansing breathes.

2. Imagine in your mind the thing you would like. Give it lots of details and feel like you are actually living it at that moment. Make your own little movie of your life. Dream like you did when you were a kid.

3. Now place that movie you imagined in a bubble. Take your arms and grab the bubble like you are holding a ball. Guide that bubble filled with your dreams down into your lap, imagine it entering your stomach and moving up through your body back up to your mind. Feel it in your body, your cells, imagine the images dancing around inside you. Tell yourself that this is your life,  it is good and already here. Imagine those images going back down through your body stopping and taking hold in your heart.

4. Put your arms up, with open hands pull and guide that energy out of your heart and throw it into the universe. You have now released it so it will come to you in the physical form. It will come if you believe that it is already starting to manifest and working it’s way to you. It takes time to come to you so don’t doubt and don’t expect it to show up the next day. It could take a week or a year.

Do this every day for 20 minutes to get some really amazing results. It is really a cool process. You can also write your dreams down on paper, or make a dream board for an added punch.

Another good thing to remember is that your mind can not tell the difference between reality and your envisioning. When you are feeling excited and grateful for something the manifestations become a reality.

Remember to have fun with it. Life should be joyful and we should be having a wonderful time creating on our journey.

7 steps for getting through stress

5 Oct

stress is something we all have in our busy lives and sometimes it can get a little heavy. this morning as i sit in some of my heaviness i fall upon some simple steps that i personally use to get through it and wanted to share with you. it is a good way to set the intention for the day, afternoon and evening as well.

follow these simple steps and see what it does for you.

1 – sit in a quite place. it can be on the sofa, on the floor with your legs crossed, the bathroom floor, where ever you can get a moment to yourself without any distractions. close your eyes.

2 – breathe deep. breathe in and out and as you breathe in tell yourself you are breathing in energy that is pure and clean. breathe out and tell yourself that you are exhaling all negative and stressful energy. do this till you feel a little shift. when you start to feel really calm you can move to the next step.

3 – affirm yourself. once you are relaxed from your breathing, tell yourself that you are here right now and that is good. there is a lesson and a reason why you are here. you are ok.

4 – list your gratitude. take a moment and name a few things that you are grateful for. it can be anything, the rain, the kids, your ability to drive, etc.

5 – thought with intention. you should feel a really good shift by now. now imagine your life as you would like it. take a little daydream trip and imagine how you would like your life to be.

6 – make a choice. at this time you tell yourself that you will make the choice to be happy and live in the moment and not worry about what is going to happen tomorrow or next week. all we have is this moment and that you will be happy in this moment of growth.

7- be kind to yourself. remember to be gentle to yourself. life is what you make it. worry does not serve anyone. if it does not serve you or make you feel good — don/t have it in your life.

you can do this exercise as much as needed. three times a day if it will help, i do. it really is a good tool for mini shifting your attitude and taking back your moment. remember, every moment things change. we are all based off energy and those energy patterns can be changed at any time for positive or negative.

much love –