some lessons are harder to learn…

8 Jul

hello all — it/s been a long time.

I just finished eating my dinner, a BRC with delicious avocado salsa and a tea trying to find the best words to start this post.

I have not spoken to you for a year and a half. Hard to believe it has been that long of a time. I would like to share my story with you and my desire is that it will empower another. This has been one of my hardest lessons to learn.

{the lesson} Being honest, and truly honest with myself. I am talking the brutally honest, standing up for yourself daily, stop making excuses, being true to your own power and journey. Yeah, that one.

This story starts a little before I went “offline” with my business and my life really. I was in a really great place spiritually, emotionally and felt ready to tackle the world and grow, grow, grow.

I met a man and it really changed my life. This relationship brought out so much pain, healing and growth for me. It lasted a year and a half and now amazingly I am back to where I started with much more wisdom, strength, acceptance, and power. This was a very hard lesson for me to learn and I found out that I am stronger than I thought, I will always choose me in the end, and love really is an emotion that comes and goes.

During the entire relationship we went to therapy, what is called Mindfulness and Commitment Therapy. It is a wonderful type of therapy and it has really transformed my life for the better. This type of therapy teaches you communication skills, taking care of your own issues, and how to sit in being uncomfortable. I learned that feelings come and go and that when you act on them you are not being grounded and will never produce lasting and healthy results.

So with this person the relationship was a whirlwind from the start. The passion was intense and blinded me to my intuition. This man fed directly into my need to be approved, loved and we met because the energy was of pure need for someone. Yes, I was impatient and really wanted to share my life with someone because I was too uncomfortable to be alone with myself and be patient for the “right” person to come to me. Needy attracted Needy. I want whole attracting whole.

During this turbulent relationship I became used to the drama and me hustling for his love and acceptance. Now I look back and think to myself what was I thinking? I do not even recognize that person today.

People talk all the time about soul-mates and how they are supposed to be the “love of your life” person. I believe there are many soul-mates and I found mine in him. A soul-mate can be a person that helps you grow or learn a certain life lesson. I say that because it took this person to bring up my co-dependency and create a growth opportunity for me. I had to learn to love myself the hard way. I have had two marriages, and another relationship prior and never had these lessons/fights/anger/etc come up with anyone else. He was the lucky one to bring it all up to the surface!

We parted, I have many wounds to tend to and a new love for myself that I never had known. FINALLY after 41 years on this planet to know that I am ok just the way I am, right now, today and that I don/t have to contort or over-do, over promise or be someone that I am not for someone to love me.

I know I will have many more lessons in my lifetime and I look forward to them because I am strong. My calling in life it to be a truth teller — my truth.

What is your truth?

Peace be with you my friends and I am glad to be back sharing my life and my journey with you all.

jess

 

 

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